So I had a Bad Day . . .

Let's just say the Alvin and the Chipmunks, "You Had a Bad Day," would be my ring tone of choice today.  In all fairness, it wasn't all bad.  It started out quite nicely.  I started a cup of coffee hot and finished it hot.  That was cool . .. .  There was laughter, a little quiet and a mixture of productivity.  The kids and I cleaned and vacuumed the truck after school . . . . That process wasn't easy on any level.  Especially the working with people part . . . .but it was still a goal accomplished.

Things started turning bitter a little before the supper hour.  Why is not so much as important as how.  That it could happen so quickly is what impresses me . . .   coming in like a tidal wave and covering everything in its path before you even notice.  Nothing left untouched.  It pretty much put a "damper" on the rest of the evening.

And so I sit here.  Thinking about it.  Replaying the day.  Thinking of those pleasant moments and conversations from early this morning.  Thinking about a verse I was thinking about before seven this morning.  Thinking about it some more and wondering how something that struck me so intensely could be forgotten so quickly.  I was in the kitchen with Jon before the kids were out of bed and was telling him that it was like I had heard Philippians 2:6-7 for the first time.

Who, being in very nature God, (Jesus) did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.

Wasn't I just telling him how amazing it was that Jesus didn't walk around saying, "Grasp this!"  He didn't meet people and interact with them with the attitude, "I am equal to God.  Contemplate that for a minute.  Then I'll get back to you."  I remember laughing.  Wasn't I just saying how easy it is to do that in our own home?  With friends?  Family?  Church?  I remember saying for example I could say, "I am mom.  Grasp that."  Just fill in the blank.  "I  am . . . . Grasp that."  "This is what I do .. . . Grasp that."  I remember our conversation.  Its funny.  I just don't remember at what point I forgot it.  

I wish I hadn't because it might have been a better evening.  My savior met the average person on the street and became their servant before expecting them to grasp who is really is.  God.  And yet in my own house how hard it is for me to be servant first.  In humanness I want the recognition of who I am before taking on the nature of a servant.  How far I have to go.  But if having a bad day now and then enables me to better understand the nature of God and His character I'd have to say it was worth it.  

I'm so glad he stoops to talk to me even when I don't get it right.  His character is most certainly that of a servant.  His nature is most assuredly God.  

Listen?

Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. Go near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools, who do not know that they do wrong.  Ephesians 5:1


But Samuel replied: "Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.  1 Samuel 15:22


I didn't expect to be on here this morning.  I'm not really a die-hard blogger . . .   :)  But I had a few quiet moments this morning.  And as I sat with my coffee I guess I just offered up that prayer that I often do.  "Lord, speak to me."  Sometimes he does right away.  Other times, he waits.  (I actually thought I had a couple inklings of what he might talk to me about this morning.  A couple things I thought maybe he was going to wrap up.  lol).  But I didn't open my Bible.  Thank goodness I was quiet for a minute.   - - - A song came on.  It spoke of obedience being better than sacrifice.  I looked up a couple verses.  There was a light touch on my shoulders.  This is definitely what He had for me this morning.  


How often, (I'm ashamed to admit) have I rushed off to church with something to offer as a "sacrifice" when what he really wanted was for me to "go near to listen?"  What have I been so intent on contributing while all the while I was disobeying as much in what I did not do as anything I could "do"?  


I don't really have much more.  Nothing too "well put" or insightful.  But that may be the beauty of it.  Even in this, there's not much I can contribute.  He said it in His Word.  I didn't.  "to obey is better than sacrifice."  "Go to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice."  BTW, I'm not advocating ditching nursery duty, or anything this morning!  :)  Just getting some perspective this morning from the only name I want my heart to sing.  Jesus.  

Gentleness

http://www.womenlivingwell.org

So much I'm thinking about! But thought I'd send this out before even attempting to find any words of my own. I love this.

It Could Have Been the Fumes

Well, I unexpectedly had the opportunity to get my hair cut and colored today. Opportunity presented itself and I followed it out the door . . . fast . . . and with no breakfast. Greggy got to stay home with dad and siblings for three and a half hours. (Gasp!) And he and I were alive still at the end of it. :)

Anyway, what leads me here after a furlough of . . . . well, a furlough . . . are some thoughts I had while a-LONE at the salon. If not enlightening perhaps you may find them amusing.

Ah. This was my moment. Foils in my hair, fumes in the air, diet coke in my hand and the stylist says, "help yourself to the magazines." "Oh, I will thought." I must have two years of various subscriptions at home that get more attention from a milk glass than me. And oh the variety. And while alone in my chair am I going to peruse "Good Housekeeping?" I think not! Keeping house was furthest from my mind. "Parenting?" you might ask? Heaven forbid. I left the little critters in the physical let it be also in my mind. No. Let's take a look at what they are wearing in Hollywood. Maybe there will be a cute style I can keep my eye out for. You know, while I'm taking care of myself. Maybe a fun article on anything that has to do with nothing. That would be relaxing. hmmm. Nothing interesting. A lot about nothing, but nothing did not keep my interest long. How long have these foils been in? I felt bored. Lots of outrageous hair-styles that only the Bride of Frankenstein would wear. And outfits that would turn heads for sure, but that would never regain full mobility afterward. I gave in. I dug for those magazines with the recipes and tips on organization. I smiled at the cute little girl on the parenting magazine and just wanted to knit her a scarf to match her cute little sweater.

It was funny. I had a whole 25 minute drive to the salon. Expectation filled the air I breathed. I just knew it was going to be the best two or more hours of my week. I was going to enjoy being with me. The real me - alone with my own thoughts and interests for the first time since . . . . . well, for a long time. And you know what? I guess in my hurry, I left the real me at home. Apparently she doesn't need as much alone time as she thought. Sleep? Yes. But you don't get that at the salon. Apparently the real me likes "Good Housekeeping." In fact, I think looking at nothing and doing nothing for longer than say a forty-minute foil could possibly be too much.

I did enjoy my morning out. And I'll need a morning out again. I know I will. But I really like my kids. And I really like my husband working at home in the office. I like my crafts and hobbies and baking and just being in my home and around my little family. (I don't care a lot for cooking and cleaning. I'm not crazy). But I do like being me. I like getting a little older and wiser. (I said A LITTLE). And what is more, apparently I don't mind not being twenty anymore. I don't even mind not being twenty something. I actually kind of like being thirty -------- you thought you had me, didn't you? :)

Go Fly a Kite

Its funny where my thoughts take me some days. Watching the kids and hearing little snips of conversations here and there can send me on a road trip through my mind! I can't believe how often something they have said teaches me or reminds me of an important lesson learned but nearly forgotten. Shouldn't it be the other way around?
Yesterday, sun shining, it really did look like it could be 70 degrees. Isaac said, "How warm does is have to be to go to the beach?" Some wise sage said, "about 80." Isaac said, "I'll go check the temperature!"
I had to laugh. I think he was ready to pack his floaties and grab his buckets and shovels. (Or ask me to get new ones because I have no idea where they are). He had the expectation that it COULD BE 80 degrees.
After seeing that instead of balmy, it was a chilling 50 ish, the idea of going to the beach was put on the back burner and instead, they put jackets on and disappeared to go fly kites. The house got quiet and I started to think. - God save us :)
I started to think about how often I would be better served with that kind of expectation. I would like to more days than not wake-up with the full expectation that God is going to do something marvelous today . . . . have the realization that he DOES and the determination to recognize it.
. . . . after all, did He or did He not start my leaf blower on the first try on Tuesday when I prayed "Dear Lord. PLEASE let my leaf blower start!" God did it. ;) I know He did. Because with him as my witness, that blower has never started before without at least 15 tries!
. . . . . and did He or did He not let a $1.50 bill show up in the mail without a late fee THE DAY I prayed, "I can't find it. I have no info. It will have a late fee before they ever send me another one." Coincidences? I don't think so. And what good does it do me to think they are? I am convinced that God has a sense of humor at times. Those small miracles to anyone but me might sound unconvincing. But I know that I know that I know that He takes the time to "poke me" from time to time and just wink and smile.
And will things occasionally not turn out the way we had hoped? Yes. Will my leaf blower not from this day forward start on the first try always? Yes. Well, probably. But I have expectation . . . I really do. And I'm watching. I hope you are watching too. And instead of getting disappointed over the little things, instead of being bummed that it is not 80 degrees, if the wind is blowing, maybe the best advice I would have to give, to borrow a phrase, would be to "go fly a kite."

As Long As You Like

A little girl asked her mommy if she would lay down with her at bedtime. The mommy said,

"Yes."

The little girl asked,
"How long will you stay?"

The mommy answered,

As long as you like.
I will stay here 'til morning.
I will stay here all night.
I will stay while moon shines
Or the sun shines bright.

I will stay through the darkness.
I will stay 'til the light.

"Mommy, are you still here?"

I'm still here.
I'm not going.
I really don't mind.
I have nothing better to do.
I have nothing to find. . .

Nothing I haven't found already
Nothing as important as you.
No, little darling,
I'm right here with you.

"Mommy, I'm sleepy."

Then just close your eyes.
When you wake in the morning
I'll be the first thing you'll see.
I may be sleeping,
But right here I will be.

"Just a few more minutes?"

No, many more.
A few is too little.
I like it here too.
I'm sorry you thought
Just a few more would do.

I hope you don't think that.
I hope that you know
That when I'm here beside you
I don't want to go.

I'm happy you invited me into your nest.
Into your heart, its the bestest of best.

You've the coziest bed.
Its a bundle of blankets.
It's a forest of bears.
It's a pile of pillows
Its a good place to share . . .

All the things that you're thinking
That might have never been said.
Its a good place for rhyming
And bowing your head.

"Good night, mommy."

Good night.
Now I know you are sleeping.
You won't hear what I say,
But I'll whisper it to you anyway.

I'm stroking your hair.
Its the smoothest of smooth.
And I feel your heart beating
As I hardly dare move.

But as my arms are around you
And I feel your soft breath
I'm so grateful I stayed
And snuggled in bed.

How long will I stay?
For as long as you like.
I will stay here 'til morning.
I will stay here all night.

Elisa often asks me to lay down with her for a few minutes when I tuck her in bed. One night I felt she thought I was in a bit of a hurry to leave. I decided to stay and I am so glad I did. The quotes of "the little girl" are exactly what Elisa said. :) I made sure I remembered them carefully. We layed there laughing and rhyming and much of what is in the poem comes straight from our little conversation. After she fell asleep I just prayed that she would know how much I love to be with her and that I am in no hurry to leave.

There's Not Time to Be Busy

There's not time to be busy,
While eyes watch and arms reach,
While hands touch and I teach . . .

There's not time to be busy,
While legs grow and arms stretch,
The only thing on their bodies that
Doesn't change . . . is their finger prints.

There's not time to be too busy.
Let the grass grow
And the weeds flourish.
How else will they know?

There's not time to be busy.
While hours pass and days bend.
Moments do last . . .
Memories don't end.

There's not time to be too busy
To hear what they say
Over and over in a thousand
Different ways.

I don't have time to be busy.
I don't have enough of that blessed, rich stuff
They call time
To fill every minute with that thing
They call . . . productivity . . .

. . . Longevity . . . if I were promised this,
I wouldn't feel half as bad
To be busy.

But such as life is at the moment,
No, from where I stand,
There's not time to be busy.

There's not time to be busy
While eyes look and they wait . . .
They stand with their hands knocking.

I'm too tired to be busy.
Thank you, God, for that weariness
. . . they watch for it, they
Snatch it up and hold it closely
When it comes . . .

That rest that comes and
promises relief, stories to be told,
Songs to be hummed . . . laughter to be let.

There's not time to be too busy.
There must be time to be slow . . .
To find a pace that is altogether
Coherent with the only language they understand

TIME

I wrote this sometime last year at a time when I was just thinking about carving out more time for the kids. Some days will be busy. And there is nothing wrong with having those seasons of life. But like most moms, I just find myself in constant check of myself. They are growing so fast. And there is so much I don't want to miss.