A few weeks ago our senior pastor, Gary Russell, began a series on the Beatitudes. As soon as I heard, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven" my heart quieted and I kind of said to myself, "hmm, there's treasure here." I've read the Beatitudes many times and often pondered over that first one. I'm sure there are many who have unraveled this long before me, but when something comes alive to me for the first time I just get very excited. And since I'm pondering this again this morning, I thought I'd just ponder right here, in a note.
He talked about the deficit we all have without Christ, and how we are born poor and in need of him. I loved that. I thought about that and recognized the truth in it. But something was also was stirring in myself. What is that? When you hear a message, but God has a treasure in there for you in that moment?" Pam had just been talking about that . . . . What did she call it? That girl had been digging into the Hebrew and Greek . . . goodness . . . . she found something . . . . wish I had written it down . . .
Well, as I sat there listening, I just kind of told God, "I'm spent. I'm not discouraged. I'm not without hope. I've seen you move and I expect to still see great things, but I am empty again. I realize all you've given me in these last few months . . . but I've spent it all . . . . "
And that's when I heard him kind of tell me, that its okay. He wants to fill us back up again, but sometimes it requires our emptying, or using up every last drop of what he has given us for this day. And then he will give us more. And not an equal amount, but twice, three times, even ten times what we had before. In other words, spend yourself spiritually . . . live from paycheck to paycheck because we might be poor, but he is rich and willing to reward those who steward all he gives, all he teaches, and all he reveals. So hope more, believe more, have a little more faith, even in disappointment.
I have seen his kingdom come, demonstrated in loving kindness and power. But my heart's desire is to see more. When you get the chance to see someone encounter His love you really do become poor over and over again in the sense that you recognize His profound goodness and many times your own inadequacy. I am void until He gives me more of himself for this day. Looking back at these past several months, I can recall so many times that I have witnessed his power, in Pam, but also in others. People are being delivered from depression, and others oppression, marriages are being restored . . . "Father, I've seen your heart. There's so much more you want to do. But so much is required, perhaps more than I have . . . so give me more of yourself. Tell me, talk to me, teach me, position me. What I have is not enough. What is required is all you you. So that's what we want."
I guess I'd just like to add the verses that brought me back to these thoughts this morning. They were in Psalm 34 where previously I had made verse 18 my home for the week, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." But I read the whole chapter again and settled on verses 4-6 and thought about how there is no shame in being at the end of yourself and telling Him that you need more of him for this day. In fact, that is what might be required. Set pride aside and be destitute for a minute. I don't have have it all together, but I have his Word.
"I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the Lord heard him . . . . " And you can call too.
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